Very often when you see families it's all perfect and neat and parenting isn't like that. You do have constant negotiations. Things are ever developing and ever changing and you constantly have to evaluate how you deal with your kids.
Kids are a great analogy. You want your kids to grow up and you don't want your kids to grow up. You want your kids to become independent of you but it's also a parent's worst nightmare: That they won't need you. It's like the real tragedy of parenting.
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You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
