Suicide is possible but not probable hanging I trust is even more unlikely for I hope that by the time I die my countrymen will have become civilised enough to abolish capital punishment.
I never found anyone who was good enough who I could trust enough.
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The first year I started in San Francisco there was an American work on every program and there's been a lot of music by living composers and gradually that was part of the process of getting the audience really to trust me.