It is a sore point because you do have advantages if you have access to more than one language. You also have problems because on bad days you don't trust yourself either in your first or your second language and so you feel like a complete halfwit.
I grew up in a neighborhood in Baltimore that was like a war zone so I never learned to trust that there were people who could help me.
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I got this idea about being afraid to let go of something and being afraid of sinking into a state of almost anesthesia where you have to trust other people. Just the paranoia of it all. And it seemed to suit the frenetic track. So I just wrote it out and you know said it.
