I'd say to any woman get out of that bad relationship that's turning you into a shell of your former self. Learn from it and get out. Then wait enjoy yourself and your friends because when what you want comes along you'll spot it.
Relationships are so much a rerun of our parental relationships. We're rerunning the relationship they were in together and we're rerunning the relationship we had with them with our lover.
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We cannot have that relationship if we only dictate or threaten and condemn those who disagree.